I'm Hanging in There - 7-3-05

It has been a "hell weekend". Major stress - which for me is major tempation. But the kind of stress I've had is making me not want to eat - so that is a good thing. The warm weather helps - I'm focusing on eating fruit today.

Had a "major no pie discussion" with my Hubby yesterday - he wanted to get me a pie - apparently it was a "free" one - I told him "NO" several times - so he said he would get himself a pie - I told him to save the "free" one for later - not now - but he wanted to get it now. I have not eaten any of it (he got fresh peach and a fresh strawberry). The strawberry is not a temptation to me at all - since it makes me sick. I am proud of myself for being firm and not giving in no matter how persistent he was. I told him if he got me one - I was absolutely NOT going to eat any of it - so to either save the "free" coupon - or buy something he wanted for himself. I bought myself some fresh peaches - which are yummy! So the peach pie is not a temptation to me.

My dog got really sick yesterday - so spending an all day and all night vigil - kept me focused on that. She died this morning - so I've been in mourning pretty much all day. Amazing how much energy - life she brought to the house - it is much too quiet around here now. My other dog is very quiet by nature - and of course she is sad too. She was with us for 11 1/2 years - a big chunk of my life. I got her when I was going through a very difficult personal situation - she helped me get through that time . That is a memory I can cherish forever.

Even though it was humid today - I did 45 minutes of step aerobics and 30 minutes of weight lifting (endurance and strength training). The exercise helps me stabilize my weight better.

First Day 7-1-05

I stepped on the dreaded scale this morning - haven't done that for quite some time. It is really something that I must do every day - it must become an obsession with me - if I slack off from it - that is when I get "into trouble". I was pleasantly surprised - my weight wasn't as high as I was expecting it to be (based on how tight my jeans fit/feel). So it's not like I have to start all over again. Maybe by catching the weight gain earlier this time, I can get myself back into control better this time.

I will try anything. I read recently where drinking milk twice a day was an effective way of controlling weight (wonder if that study was sponsored by the dairy council?). I am not normally a milk drinker. I do eat yogurt on a regular basis (carb controlled - sugar free), and regularly indulge in cheese. The weight control benefit of milk apparently has something to do about the calcium in the milk - but that just taking a calcium pill is not as effective as drinking the milk - apparently the milk has other chemicals in it that make it more effective (?).

Re: why sugar free? - I won't buy anything with high fructose corn syrup in it - since that is one of the chemicals/food ingredients that is being blamed for the obesity epidemic. I also try to avoid anything with sugar - sugar derivative ingredients in them.

Anyway, I went to Smart and Final today to stock up on some items I needed for the month. I saw the gallon containers of milk - and proceeded to buy not one, but two gallons of nonfat/skim milk (once I make a decision - I never do anything half way - it's all or nothing). Since I know I won't drink that much milk in a million years - I also bought a package of 10 ounce styrofoam cups and lids to fit them. When I got home I measured out the milk into the styrofoam cups and put them in the freezer - I can pull out two a day (or if I use yogurt - then just one per day).

I have not exercised vigorously today - the reason is because it is 103 today - I just can't find the energy to do it. I don't have air conditioning - just fans. It should be cooler tomorrow - so will for sure tomorrow.

One of the major problems I have is my husband "force feeding" me. He always feels like he needs to share - if he wants a pie - he thinks he has to get me one too - even if I tell him I don't want one - or say "please don't buy me one" - or "no thank you" - he does it anyway. I think I need to be more firm and refuse to eat it when he does buy me one. I feel guilty wasting food! Of course it is my favorite pie - so it is a huge temptation. But I need to be firm - maybe if he sees that I'm not going to eat it - he will stop!

Nobody forces the food into my mouth.

I have a Chinese employee - she is always talking to me about "desire". She says that "desire" is a "deadly sin" - wanting what you shouldn't or can't have - causes you to become obsessed with whatever it is that you desire. I think this is one of the principles of Buddhism and meditation - to try to eliminate or minimize the "desire" monster. Something I need help with for sure.

I bought some low carb cereal - but wasn't drinking milk at the time - was using low carb yogurt smoothies. This is something that came to me during a period of contemplation. I was wanting to eat cereal again - but really wanted to avoid the carbs of the milk/cereal combination. So I was thinking about the low carb yogurt smoothies and how it is really just milk with fruit in it and a lot of people like to add fruit to their cereal. Well, I started doing that for breakfast in the morning at work. My co-workers were kind of appalled at first - but then said - why not.

The next time I went to the store - guess what - no more low carb smoothies - just non-fat yogurt smoothies - full of high fructose corn syrup smoothies - I was so upset - I "dumped" all over the poor sales clerk - He didn't say a word - just handed me a complaint postcard. He told me to fill it out and send it in - that the store was pretty good about responding to complaints. So far = no low carb smoothies - but my husband did say that somebody called and talked to him about it - he told them they had a wrong number - but they did say they were "working on" getting them back into stock. We shall see - I sure do hope I see them there again real soon!

I guess one advantage of hot weather - you really don't feel like eating much. But you also don't feel like moving either!